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flighty_dreamsAUTHOR:
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flighty_dreams WARNINGS: NC-17. slavefic. scifi setting. M/m.
WORD COUNT: 2,732 (13B), 6,682 (all of Chap13)
SUMMARY: Part 3, Chapter 13 - Goodbyes and arrivals.
NOTES: The index to this story available here. Thanks to
tuawahine for beta reading! This is the last chapter of Part 3, and Part 4 will be the last 'Part' of Spliced. It won't be for a while though, not til after NaNoWriMo ends...FEEDBACK: Always welcome, it makes me update faster. ;-)
* * *
Perplexed, Alex stared at the familiar mountains in front of him.
How had he ended up here? This couldn't be real, he decided, remembering that last he knew he was on Monlea. And this was definitely the land behind Ten's house on Festun, not Monlea. It was as gorgeous as he remembered, the sun shining brightly, the dramatic mountains rising up against the blue sky and a field of flowers stretching out in front of him. A beautiful spring day in the most vibrant and striking place he knew.
He turned around, looking for Ten's house. The building wasn't there, but Arri was. Upon seeing her he realized, this definitely can't be real. He was obviously dreaming, but he hadn't seen her in so long that he didn't care. As far as he was concerned, this was the best dream he'd ever had.
She was wearing a red sundress, flapping against her legs in the wind. Her auburn hair was blowing about, swirling against the pale skin of her face and neck. Her arctic blue eyes were shining, and he realized he'd never seen her before without a Kristech collar on, or in a dress like this one. This new look suited her very much, and he couldn't stop looking at her. He glanced at her bare neck and then drew his gaze down the length of her body before going back to her face.
“Arri?” he asked anxiously, stretching one hand out towards her but only closing half the distance between them. He was afraid if he touched her she'd disappear. This was a dream after all, and she wasn't really here.
Her hand rose to clasp his, and they moved nearer and embraced each other.
“No pure white dress for you?” he asked her, his fingers stroking the red cloth at her shoulder.
She laughed, and it was her rich, exuberant laugh, the one he'd never thought to hear again. Well, he supposed he wasn't really hearing it, but that didn't matter.
“No, I never was an angel, and I never will be,” she murmured, her voice as smoky and wicked as he remembered.
She chuckled again, and he recalled how she'd always had trouble hiding her emotions. They'd often come brimming through, whether they were anger or hate or laughter. That openness was what had gotten her killed in the end. He hugged her tighter, wishing with all his heart that he could bring her back.
“No, don't get upset,” she whispered into his ear. “I'm so proud of you and how far you've come.”
He shook his head, burying it against her shoulder. “I failed you and I failed them,” he said, referring to the others that hadn't made it.
Her hand stroked his hair comfortingly. “No, you did your best. You got as many of them out as you could, you escaped and you lived freely. Those are all wonderful things you accomplished, and I know you did them for me.”
She pulled back and then cupped his face with her hands, looking up at him. “You don't have to try so hard to make me proud. You already have. And you don't need to ride yourself so hard, be so strong. Don't hide the Andorian side away, it's a part of all of us.”
Shaking his head, he said, “But Arri-”
A finger to his lips cut him off. “Trust me, I understand. We are made up of both natures, and of course you would have those instincts. It's not a betrayal of me to give into them. You can yield to them and still live your own life.”
“Arri,” he said more forcefully. A bitter laugh escaping him he continued, “This isn't you talking. You're not really here, so this is just me telling myself what I want to hear.”
“That doesn't mean it isn't true,” she replied, giving him the same wise and knowing look she'd sent him the day she told him they had to escape Kristech.
He flushed, floundering for a response. “But I'm so messed up. I split myself in two and kept going back to slavery. How can you even be proud of me? You would have run and never looked back.”
She smiled then, sweet and supportive. “Yes, you split yourself apart. You pushed the Andorian parts away. Don't you think it's time you healed the breach?”
“But you could've done it. You could've lived freely and rejected the Andorian instincts,” he protested.
Her eyes narrowed as she glared at him. “You have to stop worrying about what I would've done. I wanted you to be free yes, but I also wanted you to be happy. If you feel the need to do this, if it's what you want, it's not wrong. Don't be ashamed of it, worrying about my good opinion. You've already succeeded beyond my wildest dreams by building a life for yourself.”
His hands lifted to cover hers, which were still cupping his face. “But Matt wants to own me,” he told her sadly. “He doesn't want me to have a life of my own.”
“Then show him that there's a difference between belonging to someone and owning someone. You can belong to someone and still be your own person. Kate taught you that, didn't she?”
Smiling wistfully, he agreed, “Yes, she did.”
“Life is too short for missed chances. Give the Kartan a chance to change.” She stroked his cheek, and he leaned into the caress. “And give yourself a chance to change too. The Andorian is part of you. Ignoring him doesn't work, you found that out with Kate. He is not something to be ashamed of.”
His throat tightened as he gazed into her earnest, beloved face. “I don't know how to let him back in,” he told her, his voice rough.
She sighed and then smiled crookedly, her hands moving into his hair. Leaning in, she pressed her head against his and he felt the huff of her breath rustle the air.
“You must be brave, and open yourself up and embrace him.”
Her head tilted up, her lips finding his, and he kissed her fiercely, letting her know with every fiber of his being just how much he missed her. He let it all go in a rush of feeling, bringing his walls down, holding her tightly as their mouths spoke silently of love and regret and longing. He surrendered his guilt, accepting her earlier words as true, that she was proud of him. He'd made her death matter, and honored her memory. What more was there he could do?
She pulled away and looked up at him, ageless wisdom in her eyes. “Live for both of us. With everything in you.”
* * *
He woke with a start, Arri and the field disappearing abruptly.
For a long moment, he wanted to hit something, the loss of the dream painful. But as he lay there staring up at the ceiling, he realized he felt different. Like a door had been opened. What she'd said hadn't been much different from what Ten had been telling him. But she'd let him off the hook, and he could let go now. He could feel the shift inside himself, like he always had when he made the other choice in his old recurring dream.
But now there was an openness to him, an acceptance of other possibilities he hadn't had before. Arri was the key. Everything he'd done since his escape, he'd done for her. Even going back to slavery, as much as he'd known she'd hate it, he’d done to atone for his mistakes. Of course it satisfied the Andorian needs too, but he'd been ashamed of that weakness. Now the dream had taken that shame away.
Arri had given him one final gift: understanding. He knew rationally that the dream came from his subconscious, but it didn't matter. Now he could accept all of himself. The turmoil inside had calmed, at least partially. It would still take time to reach a new equilibrium.
Kate and Arri had given him so much. Without them he would not be the person he was, could never have gotten past the abuses of his childhood and slavery. Kate had taught him that despite all the terrible things he'd done for Kristech, leaving some of his family behind, and the theft he'd committed to financially protect them all, he was still deserving of love. Of real love, love that embraced and strengthened him and didn't push him down. And Arri had given him the ability to look beyond Kristech, to hope for and seek a better life, and to fight for it.
Alex smiled sadly, acknowledging that he'd loved them both, and that he'd miss them. Part of him always would love them, but it was time to give Matt a chance now.
However, it would be on his own terms. He needed to figure out what those terms would be though, and how ready he actually was.
Ten looked at him strangely as they got ready that morning. “You seem… different.”
Alex gave him a blank look. If he described the dream out loud, he knew it would sound silly, and he didn't want it to lose any of its power.
His brother's eyes narrowed, and he said warningly, “Alex, tell me what's going on.”
Before he might've bristled automatically at the demand, but it didn't bother him much now. The knee jerk reaction was still there, but he could choose whether to give into it or ignore it. Sighing, he turned away and looked out the window. “I had a dream about Arri.”
“Arri?” Ten repeated from behind him, surprise clear in his voice.
He decided not to go into too much detail. “Yeah, and she said things to me. Things like what you've been telling me. She made me feel better, Ten, that's all.”
“Really? That's great.”
Alex sensed from Ten's tone that he was doubtful, but willing to let it go if it helped with the situation. Deciding he should clarify, Alex explained, “Of course I know it wasn't really her. But it was still good to see her. She made me feel... not ashamed.”
Ten padded across the carpeted floor and put a hand on his shoulder. Alex shifted to face him, and they stared at each other for a long moment.
“You do look better,” Ten said, studying him. “More at peace.”
Laughing, Alex shook his head. “I wouldn't go that far. I still have things to work out. But it's progress.”
It was true. He wouldn't say he was ready to meet Matt now, but he was closer to that point. He'd accepted now that he had to stop rejecting the Andorian instincts. They were a part of him, as much as his fondness for teasing his brother, his pride and his need to help other people. Willingness to yield didn't mean you were too weak to fight. He’d known that already, but his heart hadn’t truly accepted it until now.
“Still as broody as ever,” Ten grumbled then, sighing at him.
Alex glared back at his brother and said defensively, “I think this is one problem where brooding actually helps.”
That startled a laugh out of Ten. “You're right.” He paused and then added teasingly, “And it figures you'd take Arri's words to heart more than mine.”
Alex stuck his tongue out at his brother. “Sorry, she was always hotter than you.”
Mouth curving in a fond smile, Ten agreed, “Oh yes, she was.” There was a pause and then Ten asked, “Ready to go?”
They had a few errands left, and they did those as Alex pondered the situation again. He wanted things to be different with Matt this time, but they were still setting the trap for Hayeston, so even when he returned as Alex, not Min, he would still have to serve in some fashion.
It wouldn't be easy, and he still wasn't sure how he was going to pull it off exactly. Especially considering that Muldane would want to punish him for leaving, and for what he'd done on Festun. Could he really surrender himself up to punishment? Could he let the Andorian in enough for that? Alex wasn’t sure how much he’d actually stand for, even with the bit of peace the dream had given him. It had drawn him onto the path, but he still had a long road to travel.
He shivered and glanced around, searching the busy shopping street around them for slaves. There was one, placidly following his mistress and carrying her purchases. And another, body language dejected and his head facing the ground, being scolded by his master. A third one, kneeling next to his master's chair at an outdoor cafe. Could he do those things too?
His instinctive answer to all of them was no. He changed the image, picturing Matt's bedroom: Matt sitting on the side of the bed, and him kneeling before the man naked, ready to pleasure him with his mouth. Now that didn't entirely meet with a no. He tried a different scenario: tied to the bed facedown, his legs spread and his cock aching, Matt behind him about to fuck him. Or even spread across Matt's lap, a paddle burning his ass with each hit, whimpering and begging for it to stop, for his master to fuck him. The last one in particular irritated him, because he didn’t want to give Muldane that satisfaction, but he couldn’t deny that part of him found all of those scenes arousing.
Face flushing, he pushed those images away. Maybe the who was the most important factor, not the what. There were embarrassing aspects of being a slave that even Min had never liked. Being treated like a dog, forbidden to use the furniture, was just one example. Or the inability to choose your lovers, your master free to pass you around like a party favor if he so chose. But there was still pleasure to be had in the privacy of the bedroom with someone like Matt and his tastes, even if the rules he had to follow in public embarrassed or frustrated him. How to get only the aspects he liked and drop all the rest was a puzzle he had yet to figure out.
Of course there was also the complicated fact that he could reverse the positions on any of the bedroom scenarios he'd just come up with, and he'd still find them arousing. He wasn't sure if Matt would, but wouldn't it be interesting to find out? That thought was the most exciting one of all.
Like Ten had said, things were different now. He was returning to Matt by choice, not because Matt had bought him. While he would do his part, he still had no intention of just falling into line and letting Matt decide everything now. But the trick would be proving that to Matt, and getting the Kartan to accept it. Alex had to show Matt that he would not be forced into anything he didn’t want to do.
An idea forming, he scanned the crowded streets of Alister as they wandered through them. Finding what he needed, he turned to his brother, who'd been walking beside him. “Ten,” he said, grasping his friend by the arm, “we have an extra stop to make.”
Curious, Ten followed along. “What’re you doing?” he asked, as they headed towards the barbershop.
“I'm showing Matt that things aren't going to be the same this time,” Alex told him, a grin playing at his mouth.
Amusement sparking in his brother's eyes, he asked, “How short are you planning to cut it?”
Still smirking, Alex reached up and grasped the base of his ponytail at the nape of his neck.
Ten chuckled, knowing about Muldane's obsession with Min's hair. “He's going to spiral over this.”
“I know,” Alex replied as they strode through the door, his grin widening.
Matt would be pissed, but there’d be nothing he could do about it. Alex thought it was an appropriate way to start things off, and he looked forward to the Kartan’s counterattack. Whatever the future held—with Matt, with Hayeston and everything else—he knew one thing for sure.
It would be one hell of a ride.
~ END PART THREE ~
Part 4, Chapter 1
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no subject
Date: 2008-11-11 10:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-11 10:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-11 10:46 pm (UTC)My heart ached for Kate, who could only ever truly be enough for part of Alex and for Ten, yay that he has his writing as he is obviously there for Alex. Matt, who could be all that Alex so desperately wants, needs a good slap.
*is poised in corner waving a cricket bat*
And now Alex is going back, to try again, and Muldane is expecting a (relatively passive) Min. I predict fireworks ahead *g* myself
Am now looking forward to December.
*huggles*
Lucie xxx
no subject
Date: 2008-11-11 10:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-12 01:04 am (UTC)Once I wrapped my head around it this all made perfect sense, I just had really thought of Alex/Min as truly split personalities, same as Alex, because that's the perspective we had. But of course the only good way for him to live is to come to terms with himself and not be ashamed. And making the Min personality separate from himself was how he coped with the shame - it let him think it wasn't him... yes. Good job, Ten! Very shrinky.
I liked how Alex was telling Arri that it wasn't her speaking, that it was just Alex's own subconscious telling him what he wanted to hear. But I think it will be very hard to make Matt come around to this new arrangement. I think he'll feel cheated on the deal, of the Min he wanted back, and going from that to being happy with Alex... well. Ooh, and also: the setup to go back as a trap for Hayeston - not gonna go down well with the master once he finds out. I forgot about that part. POssibly, Matt will even feel used and doubt whatever feelings he thinks/wants Min to have for him. Mmm, angst.
Loved the plentiful updates, now longing for December.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-12 01:37 am (UTC)8)
Lee
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Date: 2008-11-12 05:22 am (UTC)And yeah, it's great that Alex is making progress on figuring out his own issues. :-)
Thanks for commenting. Glad you're still enjoying Spliced. :)
no subject
Date: 2008-11-12 05:48 am (UTC)I know exactly where you're coming from. For a really long time I thought of Alex/Min as truly split personalities too. And then one day a few months back I had this epiphany and realized the truth. But I'm very glad that it did make perfect sense to you too after you thought about it. So it wasn't just me! ;) (Plus, I love throwing curve balls into this story to surprise people - and yet it makes sense.)
You are exactly right. We've only been looking at this situation from Alex himself's POV, and he didn't see what Ten saw. And yes, he used Min as a shield, a way to thrust aside the things he didn't like about himself. But now Ten's shown him the truth, and he's going to have to figure out how to integrate the Min parts while not losing his identity as Alex. Yep, that's gonna be complicated.
I really enjoyed writing the dream scene with Arri. She'd been mentioned so much and was such an important person in his life, it was great to finally write a scene with her. I actually was so far into Alex's head while writing it that I started tearing up. (Yeah, I'm a total sap.) That line you mentioned was one of the first I came up with for that scene, b/c I wanted to show that Alex was self-aware (at last!), even if in that moment it was just about what was going on in the dream. It extends to bigger things too. ;)
Anyways, Matt! Yes, he will not be expecting this at all! I foresee some crazy battles ahead, but that just makes me look fwd to Part 4 even more. :D Although I have to add, as something to think about, does Matt really know what he wants either? I think he has self-awareness issues just like Alex does. I mean, Matt has certainly proved that much by now in this story lol.
But you're right, I can guarantee there will be angst when Matt finds out about Hayeston and the setup! ;) He'll totally have doubts about their relationship, as well as feeling used... how could he not really? Can't blame him for that.
Anyways, thanks for the lovely, lengthy comment! <3 Glad you really enjoyed the rest of Part 3. :D
no subject
Date: 2008-11-12 06:01 am (UTC)Yes, this 'verse I've created is a sick place in many ways. Wow, thanks for the compliment on it seeming real even so. I guess we should never underestimate the terrible things some people will do for money, or their capacity to put other ppl down to make themselves feel better. It is a dark side to human nature, but it has certainly shown itself many a time throughout history. :/
Yeah poor Kate, she tried her best and so did Alex. Sometimes love really isn't enough. :( Oh Ten, he is fun to write. I look fwd to telling his story eventually. It's good that Alex and Matt each have a best friend that is willing to knock some sense into them when they need it! Otherwise this story might never have gone anywhere lol. (Matt certainly wouldn't have made any progress on his opinion of clones without Hollis around, that's for sure.)
Haha, I keep a bat next to my keyboard, ready to smack Matt whenever he's being dumb. (Which is almost always...) But the good news is, Alex is buying himself a shiny new bat after his haircut so he can go over there and smack lots of sense into Matt, for as long as it takes! :D Oh yes, there will be lots of fireworks incoming. It's going to be so fun! >:D
Thanks, I'm looking fwd to December too! :D And thanks for the wonderful comments and praise. *hugs*
Kelly
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Date: 2008-11-12 06:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-12 06:05 am (UTC)And thanks, I'm glad you really enjoyed this update and found it intense. :D And thanks for commenting of course!
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Date: 2008-11-12 06:10 am (UTC)Thanks for commenting. :) I hadn't known you were following Spliced! Usually a comment response from you involves Damen and Laurent... and walls... Mmm. Btw, Part 4 of Spliced is totally gonna have a wall scene, just because of those comments. XD I HAD TO!
no subject
Date: 2008-11-12 06:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-12 07:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-12 12:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-12 12:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-12 02:58 pm (UTC)Looking forward to the fireworks when Alex and Matt get back together, Muldane won't know what hit him. LOL.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-12 07:38 pm (UTC)And yes, there will be many fun times once the boys are (finally) back together! Fun to read that is. ;) Matt really is in for a big shock. :D Can't wait.
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Date: 2008-11-13 04:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-13 04:45 pm (UTC)And you asked, 'Is Matt going to punish Alex?' I think the real question is, is Alex going to let Matt punish him? >:D *evil grin* Hmmmmm, we'll have to see!
*cue evil laughter* Muahahaha! Yes, December, or whenever I hit 50K in my NaNo story... (I am open to bribes tho, either for finishing my NaNo faster or for tempting me to work on Spliced. Ahem.)
no subject
Date: 2008-12-04 06:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-05 10:09 pm (UTC)The next chapter has been written and sent off to my beta. How's that? :) Progress! And I'm out of the country for a few days, but I have the feeling I'll at least start chapter 4.2 soon. I'm tinkering with it in my head.
Anyways, hope that helps! Now it's up to my beta how long it is before its posted. ;)
no subject
Date: 2009-03-18 11:35 pm (UTC)No matter. That just gives you more time to write, so I'll be left with fewer cliffhangers when I'm finally caught up... *innocent smile*
no subject
Date: 2012-07-07 05:04 pm (UTC)Alex stuck his tongue out at his brother. “Sorry, she was always hotter than you.”
Mouth curving in a fond smile, Ten agreed, “Oh yes, she was.”
The three of them in the past must have had so much fun together.
Oh God, I am not imagining a threesome. I am not. I am not. Even though it would be so hot. Agh.I look forward to the undoubtedly earth-shattering clash between finally-a-master-again!Matt and Invictus!Alex.