Spliced: Part 3 - Chapter 13A

[flighty_dreams]

TITLE: Spliced - Part 3, Chapter 13A
AUTHOR: flighty_dreams 
WARNINGS: NC-17. slavefic. scifi setting.
WORD COUNT:  3,944 (13A), 6,682 (all of Chap13)
SUMMARY:  Part 3, Chapter 13 - Goodbyes and arrivals.
NOTES:  The index to this story available here. Thanks to tuawahine for beta reading! This is the last chapter of Part 3, and Part 4 will be the last 'Part'. It won't be for a while though, not til after NaNoWriMo ends...
FEEDBACK:  Always welcome, it makes me update faster. ;-)

 

Chapter Thirteen

 

“Yer doin' the right thing, Katie.”

Kate placed the sealed box next to the others in the cargo area. Looking over at Acto, the man who was like a father to her, she gave him a tired smile. “I know. That doesn't make it any easier though.”

Brushing her hair back from her face, she glanced at the boxes at her feet. Alex’s stuff would be stored at Ten's house while he was... away. She refused to think about what might happen if Hayeston did track Alex down, and whether he would even make it back. It would be so hard to see him again after this. As promised, she'd help them however she could, but she hoped that things would go so well that they wouldn't need her.

Unfortunately, she knew this was most likely wishful thinking. Questioning the brothers about what their plans were if Hayeston made a move hadn't been reassuring. They had ideas, but of course it all depended on what Hayeston did. She knew they would probably bring in Kret, Sharra and some of their other siblings to assist them too. But it was much like a newly discovered wormhole: you couldn’t know where it led until you sent something through it. The uncertainty of it all didn't calm her nerves any, and neither did this impending final separation from Alex. If she had to help them, she might see him later, but things would never be the same again.

For the most part, they'd done a good job the past few weeks of pretending this was no different from any of their previous partings. Ignoring the bad dreams he had wasn't anything she hadn't been forced to do before, and they knew all about making their time together count. But when he'd left her to make that call to Muldane two weeks ago, it had been hard on both of them. They'd both taken it badly, depression setting in as they realized that soon he was leaving for good. Before, they'd always had his sincere promise to return, but now that era of their lives was over.

That thought created a lump in her throat, and she forced herself to think of something more positive. At least they'd gotten out of visiting her mom this past week. Her mother had been livid, but Kate had promised her she'd visit next week. It gave her some time to get over the initial mourning, but she'd still be upset enough to want her mother's comfort when she told her that she'd broken up with Alex. Despite their rocky relationship, this was something her mom would understand. Maybe the breaking of one relationship could strengthen another? She hoped so.

Looking back at Acto, she realized she'd missed whatever he'd been saying to her.

Sympathy in his eyes, the older man pulled her in for a hug. “It'll get better. And I'll be here for ya the whole way, my girl.”

Moved by his gesture, she closed her eyes, pushing back the tears that wanted to fall. “Thank you,” she told him, her voice soft.

 

 

*                                              *                                              *

 

Alex hated goodbyes.

He lay in bed, holding Kate close, knowing this was the last time he'd ever wake up beside her. He gazed at her, memorizing her features and how peaceful she looked in her sleep.

Their lovemaking the night before had been bittersweet. Still full of love and desire, but every touch draped in sadness as well. He'd wanted a memory he could keep in his heart, to hold onto when in bed with more casual or callous partners. The knowledge that he'd loved and been loved in return, and that there was more to sex than just satisfying a need.

Listen to me warbling on like some pathetic lead in a vid romance, he chided himself. But it was hard not to feel emotional, not when this was the end of his relationship with Kate.

And perhaps the beginning of something else, whispered the voice inside him he associated with Min.

Something else indeed, but would it be better? Even discounting whatever happened with Muldane or Hayeston, his life would be different from now on without Kate. The future was always uncertain, but he'd learned that he was more than Kristech had wanted him to be—he was the navigator of his own life.

Kate stirred, her eyes opening sleepily. She gave him a brilliant, contented smile as she met his eyes, a smile he stored away, knowing it was the last one he'd ever receive. Alex knew the exact moment reality came crashing back to her, the light leaving her expression. Sorrow tempered her gaze, and he drew her closer.

They lay there silently, and he knew from that connection they'd always had that they were thinking similar thoughts, that neither wanted to break the quiet. To speak of it was to make their depressing reality even more immediate.

The same thing had happened two weeks earlier, when he'd gone to contact Muldane. They'd said all the same things they usually did: he'd promised to come back, and she'd nodded, telling him she'd be waiting for him, but their eyes had been saying something else. Inside they'd been full of the truth that soon it would all be over, but neither wanted to acknowledge it. What was the point? They were both all too aware of it.

But that sadness had colored his attitude when he called Muldane that day. The Kartan had been quick to pick up on it; it was proof that the man was paying attention now at least. Habit made Alex search for a way to channel that melancholy into something productive that would help him with the Kartan. Hence giving the man more info about his background.

Partway through the conversation he’d decided to forgo the last call. Losing the extra chance to connect with Muldane before returning as Min had been worth it. He didn't want Kate to suffer through another goodbye filled with more empty promises to return. They were true, but they rang hollow when he'd be leaving soon after. Better to skip the call and leave things to Hollis for now, and then to Min later.

And now the day had come. Ten should be arriving soon, but Alex couldn't bring himself to get up. His arms tightened around Kate and he let himself lay there, head empty of thought, savoring the bittersweet moment.

“What time is it?” Kate asked quietly, reluctance heavy in her voice.

Alex didn't bother moving. “We still have time.”

She pulled away from him just enough to send him a sad but resigned look. “Alex,” she huffed out softly, sounding defeated.

He leaned over to lay a kiss upon her brow. “I'm not moving until Ten drags me out,” he murmured against her skin.

Her warm breath tickled his throat as she chuckled, “So no plans to end this with dignity eh?”

“None whatsoever,” he said, smiling. “I think we've been mature enough so far.”

“Definitely,” she whispered, tugging him down for a proper kiss.

*                                              *                                              *

 

Two days later, they landed on Monlea.

Alex had spent the journey there thinking of Kate and their past together. Saying goodbye to her had caused him more emotional pain than he'd felt since losing Arri. For the past two days he'd brooded and mourned and Ten had let him, understanding that he needed time to get past this.

But once they arrived, he set it aside with determination. Needing something else to focus on, he found his thoughts dwelling on the conversation he'd had with Ten back on Festun, after dropping off Muldane.

Don't stick to the pattern just because it's habit now. How you feel or what you need can change over time, Ten had said then.

Well, he'd definitely made adjustments. His relationship with Kate was over, so he was free in that regard. Min wanted a deeper relationship with Muldane, but was he really ready to trade in one relationship for another? And that wasn't even considering whether Matt would be open to it. Perhaps he'd regress from the progress he'd made once faced with Min again.

What did he even want from Matt? Respect certainly, but a relationship? Alex wasn't even sure what would happen this time when Min took over. As he'd told Matt and Hollis, he wasn't sure what the ‘real’ Min was like anymore.

Always before when he made the transition like this, he'd go off with Ten and act like himself—like Alex—until it was ‘Min time.’ Then he'd make the choice in the dream, and when he'd wake up he would be Min the slave looking out at the world instead of the free man. He wouldn't fall into the full slave role until it was time, but he definitely felt very different.

Now Min wouldn't have to pretend to be less than he was. How much would that change things?

“Ten,” Alex called to his friend as they settled into their hotel room, “do you remember the advice you gave me a month ago?”

His brother met his eyes, and asked casually, “Which advice?”

Alex's eyes narrowed as he sat down on one of the beds. He had the feeling Ten knew exactly what he meant but wanted him to repeat it. “About being willing to make changes, not stick to the pattern.”

Mouth quirking up, Ten said, “Yes.”

Alex crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Well, I think I made some progress on that.”

“Yeah, you did.” Ten nudged his shoes off and laid down on the other bed. “I suppose it is time to talk about that again.”

Interest sharpening, Alex turned his head to look at his brother. He remembered Ten had refused to discuss something with him that day. “It's the right time now?”

A wide smile accompanied the words. “Yes, it is.” Ten sat up, and his gaze was earnest as he added, “Hear me out on this. Don't call me crazy until I've explained it.”

“All right,” Alex agreed, curious.

“You told me before that you were wondering how Min would be different now that he didn't have to pretend to be just another dumb Andorian.” Alex nodded and he continued, “I haven't had to pretend that for years, Alex, and I'm no longer the slave you rescued the day of your escape. I've become my own person, just as you learned to become Alex.

“So what I believe is, Alex is the real you now. He's just missing a few things, the things you were ashamed of. It's like what I've done, I don't give into the Andorian urges, and I haven't for years. I just try to ignore them, and I succeeded better than you did years ago. But just because I conceal them doesn't mean they aren't a part of me.”

Alex frowned at him. He knew what Ten was trying to say, but that didn't explain his own fierce need for freedom and independence, or his assertiveness.

Correctly interpreting his protest, Ten said, “Just because you've taken charge of your life doesn't mean you cratered the Andorian instincts. You just channeled them all into the Min persona instead. You gave them all over to him, so you wouldn't have to deal with them.”

Alex nodded; that was exactly what he'd done.

“But Alex, the Min personality is a lie. Mostly he's what people expect an Andorian to be, but he's not real. He was just a role you've been playing, and you don't need him anymore. What you need is to accept the Andorian part of you. That's the only way you'll ever be whole. You can be both at the same time, both self-assured and—when you feel like it—submissive. One does not exclude the other.”

“It's not that easy,” Alex protested.

“Sweet Dark, it can be if you accept the truth,” Ten replied, frustration tingeing his voice.

“The truth?” Alex asked, curious and confused.

Ten growled something unintelligible and then stood, pointing a finger at his own chest. “This is the real me.” He pointed at Alex then. “This is the real you, not Min. I don't even call you by that name anymore.” He placed his hands on Alex's shoulders, gazing at him with blazing eyes. “Go to Muldane like this. Now that he knows so much, you don't want to pretend and he doesn't want to either.”

Alex stared at his brother, his mouth dropping open. He couldn't believe what Ten was telling him to do. “You want me to show up like this? Ten, he expects me to serve him! I can't do that, I'm not-”

“You are Min,” Ten interrupted, glowering at him. “Or Min is you. Whatever, you're both the same person.”

“I thought you just said Min wasn't real!” Alex exclaimed, his brother's pushiness making him defensive.

Cursing under his breath, Ten said more audibly, “Min as you've been pretending to be these last years isn't real. He died back in Kristech's labs. You've been playing the part of a ghost, the ghost of who you used to be.”

Alex broke away from his brother's intense gaze, looking down at his feet. Ten's words had the ring of truth; he couldn't deny them. “You're right, I have been,” he admitted defeatedly, after slowly digesting that. “But where does that leave me now?”

Ten moved away from him to pace the room while Alex waited nervously. After a minute his friend stopped and turned to face him. “You wanted Muldane when you were playing Min. And you wanted him when you were arguing with him on Festun.”

“In different ways,” Alex protested.

“Yes,” Ten agreed. “So why can't you have both?”

Alex rolled his eyes. “Because the man is never gonna go for that.”

“Alex, you're coming back because you want to, not because you're being forced. This isn't like being taken home from an auction and expected to serve. You're returning of your own volition. Who says you can't change the rules?”

Laughter rumbled out of Alex before he could stop it. “He'll be so furious if I do that.”

“Exactly,” his brother said, knowing him well.

Matt's likely reaction to the idea made it very tempting. Alex couldn't help grinning, liking the suggestion the more he thought about it.

But that didn't resolve the Andorian issues. “Ten,” he said, sobering, “I don't know how to be both. I'm not like Kret and Sharra.”

Walking over to him again, Ten replied, “Who says you aren't? You splitting yourself in two, switching back and forth, is a lot like the switching they do. They just happen to do it a lot more often.”

“But I just can't see myself serving anyone, Ten.” Doing that would feel like a betrayal, of Arri and of himself.

“Because you're not accepting all of yourself. You're still seeing 'you' as meaning only Alex. But that Min persona comes from the parts of you that you reject as Alex. You need to embrace them instead and see that all of it is you.”

“When did you become a psychologist?” Alex asked suspiciously, ignoring Ten's uncomfortable advice for the moment.

Waving a hand dismissively, Ten sighed and turned away from him. He sat down on the bed and told him, “Just think about it for a while. Please?”

“Fine, I will,” Alex reluctantly promised.

He tried to imagine having that sort of relationship with Muldane, but it seemed impossible. Matt would always think of him as his, and that meant being a slave. And their contractual agreement was that he'd come back and serve the man, which meant wearing his collar and obeying him.

Picturing himself in Matt's collar, he examined the feelings it stirred up. Immediate outrage at the thought of being publicly proclaimed as property wherever he went, but deep down there was also a spark of desire, of pleasure at belonging to Matt. It came from the part of him he'd always labeled as Min, labeled as separate from himself. But considering what Ten had been saying to him tonight, he supposed it really was part of him.

Maybe if they were in a healthy relationship, where Matt respected him and didn't patronize him, he wouldn't mind it so much. If he knew it was about belonging and not about owning him like a thing, it might be acceptable, he decided, although he’d prefer there be no actual collar involved at all. At this point though, he didn't think he or Matt were ready for that.

“I don't think I can do it, Ten, not like this.”

He felt his brother's eyes studying him for a long time. “You're not ready yet. Give it some time.”

Alex didn’t think there was enough time in the next century to prepare him for this. He looked over at Ten. “You said you ignored the Andorian instincts. You aren’t ready either.”

Shaking his head, Ten agreed, “No, and I don’t think I ever will be. But I think you can.”

“Why?” Alex asked, referring to both of them.

“Me because I’m too scared to hand anyone that much power over me ever again. But you're different; you've been doing it for years. That's why I think you can handle this.”

“But this isn't the same,” Alex countered, letting out a sigh. “Like you said, before I was playing a part. This would be me serving,” he said, pointing at himself. “Ten, I don't take orders well from anyone. There's no way I could casually obey Matt of all people.”

Ten's eyes flared with fierce intent. “Just like Muldane needs to get past his Kartan upbringing, you need to get past the idea of thinking of yourself as two people. When Min was doing all those things, it was really you doing them. You used the old you as a mask to make it okay.”

Alex shook his head in denial. “No, it's not like that. I feel... different, when I'm him.”

“Yeah, you feel like yourself ten years ago, stuck in Kristech's facility.”

Puckering his brow, Alex compared his memories of himself at Kristech to Min's time with Matt. There were things Min had wanted from Matt that he would never have been aware of ten years ago. Or presumed to try for. “No, not exactly. He knows more than I did back then.”

“Well, it would be stupid if he didn't know more. You've learned a lot these past years, and he's you.”

“I thought he was supposed to be a ghost?” Alex asked, mouth curling. He understood what Ten was telling him, but it was still too hard to accept. Damn it, he lived separately from the Andorian side.

“He is. And he’s you fooling yourself.” Ten muttered something under his breath about his stubbornness. Then he asked, “Did you ever think about why you have such trouble following anyone's orders?”

Frowning, Alex considering it for a moment before shaking his head. He'd never bothered to give it much thought.

Rolling his eyes, Ten gave him an exasperated look. “It was part of your decision to reject anything Andorian about you. You put that aside, into Min, with everything else.”

His frown tightened into a scowl. Flame all, that made sense. Some of the things that defined him as Alex were directly caused by the rejection of traits he'd found shameful. It ruined the idea of his two sides being completely separate, since they were clearly connected. “You're a bit smarter than I thought, Ten.”

His brother glared at him for a moment before adding, “You just need to sort out your feelings, face the fact that all of it is you. Then you'll be able to get along better with Muldane.”

“I don't see how I can do that in a day or two, Ten,” Alex pointed out. He'd already sent Matt a message saying he was on his way, so the man would be expecting him soon. He'd planned this out with enough time for him and Ten to make their preparations—namely checking if Muldane's house and office were under surveillance, and setting up surveillance equipment of their own—but he hadn't anticipated this.

“Yeah, I don't know. I didn't say it would be easy, but you should at least try. And we can stall a bit, a few days might help you sort some things out.”

Alex got up and stretched languidly. “We'll see. I'll do a little self-evaluation. But what I really need right now though is a shower and some sleep.” Restructuring your whole sense of self while suffering from space lag was more than he could handle at the moment.

However, he didn't feel much better the next day. Alex wasn't exactly great at examining his own feelings and judging them. Thankfully they were busy for most of the day, which kept him from dwelling on it too much.

First they scanned Muldane's house and office, checking for any surveillance equipment Hayeston might have set up. As they'd expected there was none; it wouldn't be worth the effort or expense for Hayeston until the missing Andorian actually showed up again. Then they'd had the tricky task of breaking into Matt's house and office to put in their own equipment.

The house wasn't too bad; they'd just had to wait patiently until Matt was at work, Tara was out running errands, and Sadie was out in the garden, leaving the house empty but the security system inactive. He insisted Ten stay out of the house, in case anyone came back. Clearly he could explain his own presence there but not Ten's. Alex snuck in, swiftly attached the devices in the pre-planned locations he'd decided upon, and got back out. It felt weird being in Matt's room again, so he hadn't loitered.

The office was more challenging. They'd gone in after hours; there were too many people in the building during the workday. Thankfully Min had taken note of Muldane's security system during his previous visits there, which made it easier to gain access. The access code had been changed in the intervening months, but one of the new devices he'd gotten from Kret solved the problem. Soon enough the office was bugged, and they headed out.

In the time between those two tasks, they searched for a place for Ten to rent. He'd be sticking close and watch out for Hayeston setting up any surveillance of his own. The equipment they'd picked up from Kret would detect any rival signals, while it's receivers positioned in the house and office would be shielded from similar detection by Matt's own security systems. And finally, their devices would simply alert Ten when key words were spoken. No way would Alex have tolerated his brother listening in on everything. That would be way too embarrassing.

As Ten kept an eye out, he’d work on a new novel. After years of trying to get published, he’d finally succeeded two years earlier. He was writing his third book now, which Alex looked forward to reading. His brother was talented—not that Alex was biased or anything of course—and Alex was happy that his books had sold well. It was an amazing feat; he was proud of his brother. And at least Ten wouldn’t have his life totally disrupted while they did this; he’d still be getting his writing done.

By the time they got back to their hotel that night, most of their arrangements were complete. Unfortunately, Alex was no closer to resolving his internal conflict though.

 

Chapter 13B

Comments

[e-witness.livejournal.com]

Okay. That was officially The Scene In Which Ten Proves He Is Better Than Therapy.

"Just because you've taken charge of your life doesn't mean you cratered the Andorian instincts. You just channeled them all into the Min persona instead. You gave them all over to him, so you wouldn't have to deal with them... But Alex, the Min personality is a lie. Mostly he's what people expect an Andorian to be, but he's not real. He was just a role you've been playing, and you don't need him anymore. What you need is to accept the Andorian part of you. That's the only way you'll ever be whole. You can be both at the same time, both self-assured and—when you feel like it—submissive. One does not exclude the other.”

Is he secretly a certified psychologist? Or a super hero? Because, dude, my psychology professor couldn't have laid Alex's issues out this neatly. And I love how he just picks up and lends a helping hand whenever, wherever his brother needs him. Does he also fly around in spandex and rescued treed kittens? Because if so, I will invest in becoming a feline immediately.

He leaned over to lay a kiss upon her brow. “I'm not moving until Ten drags me out,” he murmured against her skin.

Her warm breath tickled his throat as she chuckled, “So no plans to end this with dignity eh?”

“None whatsoever,” he said, smiling. “I think we've been mature enough so far.”

“Definitely,” she whispered, tugging him down for a proper kiss.

I love these two so much. As ultimately unhealthy as their relationship was, it was still for the most part wholesome and uplifting and so, so beautiful. :) This bit of banter, her asking about dignity, and his response (more or less the equivalent of "fuck it"), was so tender and bittersweet. I wish we'd had more time with them.

"You said you ignored the Andorian instincts. You aren’t ready either.”

Shaking his head, Ten agreed, “No, and I don’t think I ever will be. But I think you can.”

“Why?” Alex asked, referring to both of them.

“Me because I’m too scared to hand anyone that much power over me ever again. But you're different; you've been doing it for years. That's why I think you can handle this.”

I will gladly get on my knees and beg for a Ten-centric fic. He's just asking to be proven wrong there. He's not broken. He's just closed himself off, but the right person can draw him out again. Please? I will shower you with chocolate and sunshine and tea in return. :)

Sorry for the gigantic chunks of quotes. I'm afraid my only excuse is I'm too enamored with this story to let go of some parts.

One last thing that's been niggling at me. Alex is pretty much the fictional personification of "Invictus," isn't he? <3